I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
