he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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