Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
