You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
