I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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