Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
