I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
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Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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