dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
