the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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