Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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