my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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