remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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