i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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