There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
