He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
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Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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