the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
