dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
