need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
They took my balls.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
