you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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