he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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