That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
