How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
