Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
