I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
