I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
