They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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