Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
