I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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