Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize