I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
