There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
