it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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