Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
