He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
