It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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