I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
