my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
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I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
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There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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