I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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