I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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