so let's talk penis.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
