I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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