I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
