So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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