you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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