Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
