I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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