How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
