Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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