if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
