My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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