Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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