I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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