Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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