I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
