There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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