Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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