Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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