this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
