I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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