I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
