Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
