his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
