I accidentally had phone sex last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
